We all have heard the saying, "Not tonight, I have a headache" before. Every husband or boyfriend hates when we say it. Many women use the "headache" as a scapegoat for sex when they're just not in the mood. It's been over used to the point where it's become a joke. But for the women who suffer from migraine disease who experience true headaches for days at a time, when we say "I have a headache" it's the truth. Unlike the women who use headaches to not be intimate, we truly want to be close with our spouses or partners but the pain gets in the way. Headaches give us a bad rap.
I know that for me, I feel so bad when I can't show my affection through intimacy because I've had a week long migraine. Especially since my husband does all that he can to make me feel better despite his hectic schedule. Many times I go ahead with it knowing that it will probably make me feel worse but why should he suffer? It's a terrible predicament to be in. We want to satisfy our partners not deprive them. I often feel guilty that his wife has so many medical issues that interfere with our sex life. I want to show him how much I love him but it isn't very easy when you have throbbing, stabbing pain in your head and feel so nauseated that you want to die.
Migraines, Women and Intimacy
Like Avon? Shop now and your purchase helps migraine research!
Help Wanted
It's day five of this particular migraine attack. As usual, I'm alone with the kids since my husband works midnights and sleeps during the day. There are many times that I skipped going to the doctor or urgent care because it takes away from his much needed sleep. I would go if there was someone else who could take me. But there isn't. We live in a different state than our families and neither side is close enough to "drop" by for a day or two. So, days go by where the refrigerator is almost empty and the pantry is lacking of much needed staples. The kids suffer because I can't always take them to the pool or to the park. I need help but it just isn't there. We live on a one income budget. Although I get disability, it's barely enough to make a dent. We could always use help when it comes to groceries, making meals, etc. Thankfully the kids are old enough to take care of the chores. It's just that when I'm out of commission due to the pain I don't really care to keep them in check. I have other things on my mind like the nonstop pain I'm enduring. My husband doesn't really cook, so he orders in food when I can't. It makes me feel guilty that we have to spend money on take out because I'm not able to make dinner. At least once a week I wish that my parents or his were just a few minutes away so that they can take the kids for a while or bring us a home cooked meal or pick up some groceries for us. At our previous home I was at least able to order from Peapod for our groceries but it's not available here. So, if I don't go shopping we don't always eat.
I'm not the kind of person to ask neighbors for help. For one, all my life I had to deal with people saying that "it's just a headache" so I stopped trying to look for sympathy, empathy and help from those who weren't closest to me. I also have too much pride, a trait that I got from my father, to ask for assistance. The only person that I lean on really is my husband and I don't know what I would do without him. I feel so bad because his job is really stressful and the shift he works reduces him to a zombie most days. I just wish there was more I could do. I so desperately want to put a "Help Wanted" sign in my window just so that I can stop feeling like I have to do everything despite my pain. It would be nice to know that I don't have to worry about dinner because so and so is bringing some over or that someone will be dropping off some groceries. On days like today, I really wish that I had that option.
I'm not very close to many of my neighbors since I spend most of my time in the house. There are two that are very dear to me, but they have lives, children and jobs that keeps them busy so I can't get myself to ask them for any help. I've never been comfortable doing that my entire life so it's pretty hard to do it now in my thirties. I guess, since I had to rely on myself as a kid to deal with my migraines (I spent many, many nights home from school suffering alone while my parents were at work) I do the same now. It's what I know and what I do best - just deal. But I don't want to "deal" anymore. I guess I'm starting to reach the point where I will have no choice but to reach out. I'm pretty sure that my friends would be happy to help in any way that they can. I feel so pitiful right now that it clouds my judgement. I know that they don't feel sorry for me but I guess since I feel sorry for myself right now I can only assume others will to.
I feel like kicking myself sometimes for being the one kid growing up that had no problems living far away from my family. I went all the way to Hawaii for college, met my husband and moved to his hometown of Buffalo which is eight hours from my hometown of Queens, NY and the closest we've been to either side of our family. Then we moved down South. We both are ambitious and aren't afraid to go where the Lord sees fit for us to be, but I feel that I sacrificed having my family near to us. Hindsight is 20/20 but we're here now and no one is going to be moving next door to us anytime soon.
So I guess I'll be doing what I always do and just hang on until there is a break in the cycle. I really do want to ask for help but I'm just not comfortable doing it. I think because so many ignored my disease and whittled it down to just an ordinary headache, I approach it that way too. I don't expect people to understand or want to help. I probably need to adjust my thinking before I go seeking assistance. But, at the moment I'm in this particular situation and like all the rest before it, it doesn't look very hopeful. I'm in pain, my medications aren't working, I'm waiting to hear back from my neurologist and wishing things were different. This is my life's story and it sucks pretty bad.
Resources about Suicide and Getting Help
The mnemonic IS PATH WARM? can be used to remember the warning signs of
suicide:
S Substance Abuse
P Purposelessness
A Anxiety
T Trapped
H Hopelessness
A Anger
R Recklessness
M Mood Change
- Threatening to hurt or kill him or herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him or herself; and/or,
- Looking for ways to kill him or herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means; and/or,
- Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary.
help as soon as possible by contacting a mental health professional or calling 1-800-273-TALK
(8255) for a referral.
- Increased SUBSTANCE (alcohol or drug) use
- No reason for living; no sense of PURPOSE in life
- ANXIETY, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
- Feeling TRAPPED – like there’s no way out
- HOPELESSNESS
- WITHDRAWING from friends, family and society
- Rage, uncontrolled ANGER, seeking revenge
- Acting RECKLESS or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking
- Dramatic MOOD change
1-800-273 TALK (8255) for a referral.
Acupuncture - My First Visit
Migraine and Suicide
- Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States based on national statistics in 2007, with an annual rate of approximately 11.5 per 100,000
- Migraine disease on the other hand, is the 12th most disabling disorder in the United States and affects more than 37 million people
- Americans who have Migraine with aura are three times more likely to attempt suicide compared to those with no migraine, whether or not major depression is also present
Seven years ago I attempted suicide. It was a very difficult time in my life and migraine was a big part of it. I remember feeling like everyone else would be better off without me in their life. I also wanted the pain to end; the emotional and physical pain that I was experiencing. I wound up in the ICU for two days heavily sedated and feeling worse than before I was admitted. The guilt tore at my conscious every minute of the day. It took a lot of counseling and being on an antidepressant to help get me back on track. Yet, even though I know what the cost of suicide can be, that doesn't stop the thought of it going through my mind on those tough days and nights. I've been riding the constant emotional roller coaster of pain for 25 years and have been given false hope time and time again. I don't want to put my body or mind through anymore unsuccessful treatments. It's daunting to feel as if there will never be a long-term treatment for me.
Still, I go on. I continue to go to counseling and take Wellbutrin for my depression and Celexa for my anxiety. I've found some great people like me who share my story and that helps to get me out of the darkness of isolation that migraine can subject someone to. Suicide is a very real possibility and more people should talk about it. Having those feelings are nothing to be ashamed about. It's when you don't speak about it that it becomes a very dangerous reality. I'm sure that there are many people out there who have attempted unsuccessfully to commit suicide but are ashamed to talk about it. Just know that you aren't alone. Anyone with a chronic illness is susceptible to this. Know this...we see you and we understand you. Stay strong and fight and keep your eye on the light at the end of your tunnel, no matter how small it may be.
Take care.
Sources:
Migraine and Suicide - Migraine
When Migraines Strike
- Food and Drink: Many people experience migraines when they eat certain foods, especially wheat, dairy, sugar, artificial preservatives or chemical additives. Cured or processed meats, alcohol, aspartame, caffeine, and MSG are common culprits.
- Allergies: Including food allergies and food sensitivities, and chemical sensitivities.
- Dehydration and/or Hunger
- Changes in sleeping cycle: Both missing sleep and oversleeping can trigger a migraine.
- Stress: Any kind of emotional trauma can trigger a migraine, even after the stress has passed.
- Physical exertion: Extremely intense exercise or even sex has been known to bring on migraines.
- Hormones: Some women experience migraines before, or during their periods, during pregnancy, or during menopause. Others may get migraines from hormonal medications like birth control pills, or hormone replacement therapy.
- External stimuli: Bright lights, fluorescent lights, loud noises and strong smells (even pleasant ones) can trigger a migraine.
- Weather changes, Seasonal changes, and changes in Altitude
- Ulcers and gastrointestinal bleeding
- Stroke and heart attack
- Muscle weakness
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Putting a cold compress on your forehead or behind your neck
- Massaging your ears and ear lobes
- Massaging the "crown" of your head -- the ring of muscles that circle your head where a crown would sit
Health Resources - Timpanogos Regional Hospital
True Acupuncture No More Effective Than Sham Acupuncture for Migraine -- But Both More Effective Than No Treatment at All
This article visits the results of a study done last year with migraine patients. It studied the effectiveness of acupuncture as a treatment instead of using medication.
Circle of Pain
Ask anyone who has suffered from migraine and I'm pretty sure that he or she will tell you that migraine is more than just a physical pain. Migraine also implicates emotional stress, distress and emotional pain. More information has become available showing some kind of link between migraine patients and depression. For those of us who suffer from both, we wind up being caught in a vicious cyclical situation. When a migraine presents itself it often if not always leads to being in a depressed state. When depression rears its ugly head, migraine often follows. It's a circle of complete chaos - where we feel debilitated by extreme pain and emotion overloads.
I often feel as though there will never be a day where I will not feel either. After more than twenty years of migraine and ten years of depression, I feel like I'm cursed. There are so many things that I want to do - things people often take for granted. Like going for a walk without getting a migraine, go swimming in a pool without getting a migraine or enjoy a nice summer day without getting a migraine. Living such a deteriorated life brings great heaviness to my mind. Coping in pain is not easy and many days I have to push through the pain. This reality makes me angry and then sad, hence the depression.
Depression is misunderstood and hard to explain to those who have never experienced it. Many believe that depression means being sad and crying all the time. Yes, that is part of it but not all of it. Depression means being angry, frustrated, sad, lonely, confused, agitated, and anxious along with a slew of other emotions all within a matter of seconds. The mind races constantly and becomes your worst enemy. Depression makes you feel worthless, useless, and hopeless all at once. It's a very nasty thing and it's sole purpose is to destroy you. So putting that on top of being in constant pain is a very treacherous combination and that is what my life is at the moment.
It comes in waves. I can be having an okay day, like today, and then be hit with the depression out of nowhere. It's like being swept away in a tsunami. There's hardly any forewarning. It's inevitable, the outcome. I'm trying very hard at this moment to fight it off. It's a sneaky and vindictive attacker and must be treated as such. It gets into your thoughts and tries to convince you that you're someone that you know you are not. It's almost like having an evil twin. It's hard for me to not give in to the emotional battle because I'm tired from being in pain most of the week. I'm worn out and don't have much fight in me. Its becoming ever so tiresome and old. It's always the same story...just a different day.
Craniosacral Therapy Treatment for Migraine Headaches
Craniosacral Therapy Treatment for Migraine Headaches
I just read a great article on about.com that described what craniosacral massage is and how it is helpful for migraine sufferers. I just started getting craniosacral massage two weeks ago. I had a very bad migraine when I went in and the pain level went down some afterward. I also combined it with a swedish massage which is great in pushing out toxins. I have another massage scheduled today. I do not have a really bad migraine so maybe this will help to make the little pain that I do have today go away. Enjoy the article and if you are able to, look into it for yourself!
Blessings!
Prevalence and Burden of Migraine in the United States: Data From the American Migraine Study II - Lipton - 2001 - Headache: The Journal of Head and Face Pain - Wiley Online Library
Treating migraines with behavioral approaches can make financial sense
Treating migraines with behavioral approaches can make financial sense
Implantable Device May Help Ease Tough Migraines
Implantable Device May Help Ease Tough Migraines
Migraine and Cluster Headaches Clinical Research Trials | CenterWatch
Migraine and Cluster Headaches Clinical Research Trials | CenterWatch
WHO | Atlas of headache disorders and resources in the world 2011
WHO | Atlas of headache disorders and resources in the world 2011
Despite that headache is felt at some time by nearly everybody, and almost half the world's adults at any one time have recent personal experience of one or more of the three very common headache disorders, much is unknown about the public-health impact of these conditions. It is not known how, or how much, they affect many of the populations of the world, or how healthcare and other resources are utilized to mitigate their effects.
This first global enquiry into these matters illuminates the worldwide neglect of this common health problem, and reveals the inadequacies of responses to it in countries throughout the world.
The Breaking Point
I write this as tears roll down my face. I have gone through countless days and nights in pain and today is my breaking point. The medication I'm on does not work. They join the list of 30+ medications that I've been on over the years. It might even be more - I've lost count. What I haven't lost count of are the years lost to pain, opportunities missed, and events unable to attend. Sleep is something that no longer refreshes me. Instead I spend almost every night tossing and turning because the pain in my head is a constant woodpecker in my brain. Stabbing and throbbing all through the night. I wake up restless, defeated, fatigued, unmotivated, and still in pain. And so continues my day. Yes, I plow through the pain just to get things done. The grocery shopping, trips to the bank, kids' doctor/dentist appointments - all can not wait until a pain-free day because there isn't one. Clothes still need washing, chores need to be done, meals cooked - the list goes on and on. Life never stopped because I had a migraine so neither can I. But today, I want and need permission to break. I can't hold it all together anymore. I must say that those of us who suffer like this have the rare talent of withstanding pain to make life as normal as possible for the people we are responsible for. But who is willing to stand up for us? I so often feel as though I suffer in silence. We have become guinea pigs for doctors, unapproved by insurance companies, and deniable by the Social Security Administration. It truly sucks to be treated as a nuisance and not as a persosn with a legitimate disease. So today I break down because I can't toughen up anymore. How many times can a person go through expecting relief and never getting it? It is cruel and unnecessary and most disturbingly an unrecognizable suffering.
Summer and migraines
This time of year can be a miserable one for those of us who suffer with migraines or are prone to headaches. I think it's safe to say that changes in the barometric pressure has triggered many headaches for us. With sudden storms during the summer season, this particular trigger can be a tough one to dodge. Other common summer triggers include, dehydration, low stress environments and summer allergens. If anyone sweats profusely as I do you might have noticed getting a migraine. This is so if a lot of sodium is lost when sweating. It dilutes the bloodstream when sodium levels reach a certain point. It is for this reason that a migraine can be brought on. The solution seems simple enough - stay hydrated. But don't over do it! Over-hydration can also lead to migraines if the balance of electrolytes is thrown off. For those of you who suffer from summer allergies, such as grass pollen, they can trigger migraines as well. The body is sensitive to certain smells that can aggravating to the head. So, in order to try and keep the migraines at bay remember to stay hydrated, keep consistent sleep and eating patterns, and keep allergies in check.
Have a great summer!
Help raise money to fund migraine research!
Supporting migraine research is important to me as I have suffered with this disease for over 24 years. Unfortunately, not enough attention is given to it. Migraine ranks in the top 20 of the world's most disabling medical illnesses. Nearly 1 in 4 households include someone with migraine. 14 million people or about 4% experience attacks on a near-daily basis. For more than 90% of all sufferers, migraine interferes with their education, career and social activities.
Migraine disproportionately affects women, with approximately 22 million female sufferers in the United States. Three times as many women as men suffer from migraine in adulthood. More severe and more frequent attacks often result from fluctuations in estrogen levels. Depression, anxiety, and sleep disturbances are common for those with chronic migraine.
Children also suffer from migraine, which has been reported in children as young as 18 months old. The illness often goes undiagnosed in children. Migraine tends to run in families. If one parent suffers from migraine, there is a 40% chance a child will suffer. If both parents suffer, the chance rises to 90%. About 10% of school-age children suffer from migraine. Half of all migraine sufferers have their first attack before the age of 12.
This disease effects women and children the most. Because Avon represents women and their families, I felt that this was a great way to bring attention to a disease that is not common knowledge. This event is to raise awareness and funds for the Migraine Research Foundation, in which 30% of all proceeds will go to them. This donation will fund critical research that is desperately needed.
So please, shop the eBoutique and take advantage of the many specials Avon has to offer. This event will run through campaigns 15 and 16. When you checkout, you must use the promo code MRF2011 in order to link your order to this event. Click here to get started!
For more information please visit www.migraineresearchfoundation.org and visit them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/migraineresearch and "Like" their page!
Thank you in advance from myself and all other migraine sufferers in the world!
A Silent Sufferer
For most of my life the only normalcy I knew was one that involved chronic pain. As an 8 year-old girl I couldn't understand why my head would hurt so bad and why no one could help me. Yes, I had a neurologist but it was also 1986. Treatment for migraine, especially pediatric migraine, consisted of taking a useless beta-blocker daily for a preventative and using Tylenol as an abortive medication. Needless to say, I suffered. My whole childhood was impacted. I was scrutinized by teachers and classmates for missing school frequently for what they thought were only "headaches". At home, my sisters' asthma were seen as a more serious problem than my migraines often and left me to feel disregarded and not taken very seriously. I had to miss out on many activities because a migraine would be triggered by something. For a very long time I knew I felt different. I couldn't feel happy like I thought I should. I understand now that it was the early signs of depression, which I have been clinically diagnosed with almost ten years ago. It is a sad realization to reflect on the last 24 years of my life and to know that living was centered around debilitating pain. It sometimes amazes me that I have managed to raise three very well-behaved, polite, well-mannered and respectable children despite the unbearable pain I've endured. The past two years have been the most difficult as this disease has become more aggressive. I have chronic daily migraine and no medication is working. I feel like I'm on a decline. The impact on my psyche and my physical well-being has been quite a burden to those closest to me. I can't help but feel guilty that my kids and husband suffer along with me. I can't do all the things they want to do because it'll cause a migraine. I feel bad so much of the time. It has laid a heavy burden upon my heart. I try to stay positive but it has become more difficult the past few months. I do have something to look forward to - acupuncture. After having to appeal my insurance company's decision to not cover it, I was finally given the referral to see the acupuncturist I wanted and needed to be connected with. I can not wait to see what comes of it. I have nothing left to lose. The whole purpose of this blog is to be a sounding board for my frustrations, discoveries, and revelations as well as for those people who cope with migraine. I hope to give insight to this terrible disease. Thankfully, more attention has been given to migraine but still not nearly enough. Let this help to shed more light.
Blessings





